Why Session, a submissive view

 

I once had to help a good friend with a criminology diploma study. I learned a lot about conditioned behaviors, B.F. Skinner, MK Ultra, and the Milgram experiment, to name but a few. 

It is not my expert knowledge area, so I actually found it fairly interesting and thought-provoking to study an academic course and syllabus on the subject. Apart from being really worried over the Milgram experiment, a piece that hit resonance with me was this story/experiment.

The Fable Conditioning Story Summary

1. The Setup: A group of monkeys (usually 5 or 8) are placed in a room with a ladder leading to a bunch of bananas. 
2. The Punishment: Every time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, the researchers spray the entire group with freezing cold water. 
3. The Conditioning: To avoid the cold spray, the monkeys begin to violently beat up any monkey that attempts to climb. Eventually, no monkey tries to climb. 
4. The Substitution: One by one, the original monkeys are replaced with new ones. When a newcomer tries to climb, the others attack it. The new monkey joins in subsequent beatings without ever knowing why. 
5. The Conclusion: Eventually, all original monkeys are replaced. None of the current monkeys have ever been sprayed with water, yet they will all enthusiastically attack any monkey that approaches the ladder simply because "that's the way things have always been done around here."

Conditioned behavior has obvious direct cross-overs to the kink and BDSM community behaviors, whether you're a mistress, a submissive, etc.

Where this is going is that we all love the familiarity of doing things the same way; it's embedded in Mistress Protocols and behaviors because that is what everyone else does—it's a standard. It strikes the submissive within all of us to show some respect and follow what everyone else does.

It brings comfort!

The question is, should you? A simple question with a complex answer for me, other opinions are available. (overthinker warning)

Using the story, if there is no banana, then it is a simple no. There has to have been something of value exchanged; otherwise, I think it could just be entitlement in play, and that's a non-interest for me.

What we consider valuable will vary within all of us. 

I have said to 2 mistresses that what I really enjoyed was a holiday from my self-imposed prison of convention, responsibility, and authority on my mind, even if just for the duration of a session. you get rid of real-world issues and seepage and truly relax. It can be exhaustive to always be in control and accountable, and a brief abdication can be very cathartic in nature. Some call it an exchange in control, and I think that is accurate and symbiotic in nature.

What I have found is that during these med-fet sessions something else was exchanged in return: a different perspective on life. Looking at things in a different way. This has especially been true with my (our) current Domina. (pronoun issue lol)

It was back up with such contentment after the session, peace with the world that can last days/weeks, and calm the mind from negative conditioned behaviors and triggers. (Sighs!) 

Let's break it down a bit more: 

Self-need: Getting something you need, longing for, or something lacking in either at that moment or actually a lifelong ambition, self-gratification, or surrender. The primary reason you are engaged with a mistress in the first place. Your fundamental primative need. The itch no one is scratching.

Your primary business driver for a session, so to speak.

Once this is out of the way, your mind is soothed and calmed, the thorn removed from your foot, so to speak; I would call this a meditative state ... You are very malleable and susceptible, of course; you are very vulnerable then as well.

If you are very lucky, your mistress, if skilled and motivated enough, can coach you and touch your very raw soul. 

Of course, in some sessions and with some mistresses, you will just go through the motions as a commodity or service, like an Amazon drone delivery to your door, but for the good ones, I think, work at a different level altogether. 

Sadly, I think it is an old-school discipline and a dying art out there now; things have changed. It's all online and mostly generic in nature, perhaps a little cliche overall.

I would argue they make a personal investment in you as a client. For the cynical out there, yes, of course that is also a good business model, but keep an open mind for a moment; two things can be true at the same time.

I think we all recognize when we are getting good advice, care, and service and when we are not. We all know when someone is going through the motions without any passion, and that covers marriage, mistressing, and jobs.

Obviously there has to be some two-way personal chemistry involved for things to really fly, but when it does, it is such a peaceful relaxed state of mind.

My wife and soulmate session together, but that has not always been true. As stated, we have slightly asymmetric interests in BDSM but a common foundation we both love. I certainly did not want to be alone in the peace of mind that I was reaching in session; it felt selfish. I wanted us to share them. I also needed to explain why.

I had to square all the circles of desires. which is never easy and still a work in progress atm.

So what's the link of all this to conditioned behavior then? I guess the easier thing would have just been to carry on in a classic mistress/man engagement mode, as that is what most everyone else does, but it didn't fully align within me. I also want Mrs. Secret Sub to see the possibilities of her very own journey and relax and see the opportunities to share and develop as a person and soul in session.

Deep breaths, everybody!

Mr. Secret Sub